So you’re getting ready for a rehearsal dinner. It’s just before your loved one’s big day and the excitement is at an all time high. Between tracking down the missing box of customized wedding napkins and unwrapping those champagne flutes, you’re exhausted. Who knew it would take this long to plan a wedding? Luckily, you have a wedding rehearsal dinner to kick off the celebration and give you a break. So what are the expectations for rehearsal dinner etiquette?
Jump to:
- What is a Rehearsal Dinner?
- Who Pays for the Rehearsal Dinner?
- What is the Average Cost of a Rehearsal Dinner?
- Who to Invite to a Rehearsal Dinner
- Rehearsal Dinner Invitations and Etiquette
- What Happens at a Rehearsal Dinner?
- Dress Code Etiquette: What to Wear to a Rehearsal Dinner
- How to Give a Toast at a Rehearsal Dinner
- Rehearsal Dinner Favors
- Other Wedding Rehearsal Rules
What is a Rehearsal Dinner?
A wedding rehearsal dinner is a formal dinner for close friends and family involved in the ceremony of an engaged couple. The rehearsal dinner is held the night before the wedding, usually directly after the rehearsal of the wedding ceremony. The dinner has its own set of traditions for guest behavior and these guidelines are listed below.
Who Pays for the Rehearsal Dinner?
Traditionally, the groom’s parents pay for the rehearsal dinner. Because the bride’s parents are usually paying for the wedding, it’s common for the groom’s parents to contribute toward the wedding through a rehearsal dinner. In recent times, however, more and more couples pay for the dinner themselves.
What is the Average Cost of a Rehearsal Dinner?
The average cost of a rehearsal dinner is over $1,300, making up 1/20th of the overall wedding budget. However, the cost can vary greatly based on the number of guests invited. Smaller rehearsal dinners include only the wedding party. On the other hand, larger dinners can involve over half of all the wedding guests. A typical rehearsal dinner costs $50 per person with added costs such as decorations and location deposit. However, inexpensive options can cost as little at $10. Pricier options cost as much at $250 per person.
Who to Invite to a Rehearsal Dinner
The rehearsal dinner guest list is usually made up of the most important wedding guests. This includes the bride and groom, their immediate families, the best man, maid of honor, close extended family, close friends, and those in the wedding party. This group is typically 10-25 people. This size of a group allows the dinner to remain intimate before the larger wedding.
Rehearsal Dinner Invitations and Etiquette
Rehearsal dinner invitations are traditionally included in the wedding invitations. They include information about the dinner location, time, and often, dress code. They also usually have their own RSVP card for you to send back to confirm if you’re coming or not. These rehearsal dinner invites are often bought in a package with the wedding invitations, and cost around $50-$75 on average. They almost always have a similar theme and design.
RSVP Etiquette
Make sure to send back your RSVP card with your normal wedding RSVP to let the couple know if you’re coming. That way, they can plan who to order food and dinner favors for. If the RSVP is a physical card, make sure to mail it back to the couple. If the couple decides to use an electronic RSVP system, try to confirm as soon as possible. It’s poor etiquette to send an email or text to let the couple know you’re coming.
When Unavailable
If for some reason you can’t come to the rehearsal dinner but still plan on attending the wedding, let the couple know as soon as possible. They may assume you are attending both or neither if you don’t specify, causing more issues down the road. If you’re missing both the dinner and the big event, you should still send a response card, a gift, and card expressing your heartfelt congratulations.
What Happens at a Rehearsal Dinner?
The rehearsal dinner traditionally includes a catered dinner, toasts to the engaged couple, sometimes a gift exchange, and last minute announcements. The dinner can vary a lot from couple to couple, but usually includes a set menu. These dinners can be as casual as a barbecue lineup or involve formal dishes listed on a foil stamped wedding menu card.
Dress Code Etiquette: What to Wear to a Rehearsal Dinner
Check to see if the rehearsal dinner dress code is included in an invitation or other wedding communication. This will tell you how the couple wants you to dress to fit the theme of the dinner. However, sometimes the dress code is confusing (especially when the dinner invitation theme is “Rustic”). If that’s the case, we’ve broken down a few common dress codes for you below:
- Casual: There are a lot of options in this category. Think summer dresses, nice skirts, or dress pants for the ladies. Button downs or polo shirts for the men.
- Cocktail, Semi-Formal or Dressy Casual: This means cocktail dresses and suits and ties. This is a common dress code for rehearsal dinners with a wide variety of options that most people have in their closets.
- Black-Tie Optional: A little nicer than cocktail attire, this includes long dresses for women and nicer suits or tuxedos for men.
- Black Tie: More formal clothes with dark suits or tuxedos for men and floor length dresses for women. This is more common for larger rehearsal dinners.
Most importantly, women shouldn’t wear white. This is considered poor etiquette and distracts from the bride before the big event. You don’t want the focus of the night to shift to you if the bride’s aunt Margaret forgets her glasses and offers you her congratulations mid-toast.
How to Give a Toast
It’s common to toast the happy couple or those who financially supported the wedding during the rehearsal dinner. Just make sure you’re following proper rehearsal dinner etiquette in your speech by following these tips:
- Make sure that one of the parents of the guests-of-honor is the one to kick off the rehearsal dinner speech. It’s traditional for the father of the bride or the groom to give the first speech, so don’t steal the limelight. They’re excited to see their loved one get married, and they deserve the chance to get the first word in.
- If you want to give a toast, write out what you’re going to say. This will help you structure your story and keep things smooth.
- Know your audience. There’s a time and place for everything, but a rehearsal dinner isn’t the best place for a crude joke at the couples’ expense.
- For a more complete information and toasting etiquette tips, check out our guide on how to craft the perfect toast.
Rehearsal Dinner Favor Etiquette
This typically ends the wedding rehearsal dinner and allows the couple to express their gratitude for their guests. These favors can be anything from a personalized calendar, to bottle openers with the couple’s engagement photo, to anything in between. Practice good rehearsal dinner guest etiquette and thank your hosts and the couple before you leave.
Other Wedding Rehearsal Etiquette
- Find out if the couple wants to do a gift exchange at the rehearsal dinner. Sometimes this is simply between the couple and their parents. Sometimes, it’s with the entire wedding party. Just make sure you follow good guest etiquette and come prepared.
- The couple likely hired a photographer to take photos at the rehearsal dinner. Try to stay off your phone and be attentive. This good etiquette will help you enjoy the party and enable the photographer to get the beautiful, candid photos they were paid for.
Most importantly, you should enjoy the rehearsal dinner as much as you can. It’s a nice break full of friends, family, and maybe there’s even a wedding-themed game of giant Jenga.
If you liked this information, check out our guide on general wedding guest etiquette.
